31 May 2011
Double D Disappointment
When we decided to leave Minneapolis and move to the east coast, I earnestly started looking for things to be excited about. What do they have there that I can't get here? "There" being New Hampshire and "Here" being Minneapolis; which is how I still catch myself referring to them on occasion - even after living here close to a year. I could be standing in my kitchen in New Hampshire and say "We have driver's ed here, where we learn the rules of the road and respect something called "right of way". They must not have driver's ed there." Now flip it - now you know who disrespects my precious right of way.
Scratching my head, putting on my Pollyanna hat, trying to make a happy list of things that will make this move worthwhile (besides money and fame and learning a second language).
And I come up with...........DONUTS! This is the land of Dunkin' Donuts! Ubiquitous purveyors of donuts! Real donuts, not vegan-organic-gluten-free-donuts or gourmet breakfast pastries with complicated fillings and crumbly outsides but real sugar-lard-frosting donuts! I've been on the lookout for a good donut since we lost Mr. Donut back in the 20th century (again, "we" meaning "they" in Minnesota) .
When my friend Martha and I moved to North Carolina for graduate school, we were horrified when we found that there were no cake donuts in the state. I repeat, NO CAKE DONUTS IN THE STATE OF NORTH CAROLINA. When you ordered a donut, you automatically received a raised, glazed donut. That was a donut. End of story. We would explain about the two different kinds of donuts and they would smile back as if to say "How nice for you. Bye bye now."
When we moved back to Minneapolis, the hunt began for the best cake donut. And while we hunted we settled for the donuts from Lund's or Byerly's, my favorite being the glazed old-fashioned from Lund's. And while we looked and experimented and settled........we found that the donut we were settling for was really good. Like craving it good. And, eventually, the old-fashioned from Lund's became my go-to donut (I'm craving it a little bit right now).
But still I'm enamored of places that devote themselves completely to donuts. The donuts have got to be better, right? A place called Dunkin' Donuts must be so devoted to donuts that they've toiled long and hard perfecting their recipes, right? Why call yourself Dunkin' DONUT if you don't really care how the donut tastes? It would be like Mr. Steak changing it's name Sister Salad.
But..........dashed..........are the hopes..........that are too high.
It turns out that the donuts at Dunkin Donuts are NOT crave-a-licious. They're just convenient.
But I keep thinking they're having an off day. So I'll try one more time. And even though they don't even carry the very basic donut that I want, I still keep trying to order it. Like maybe if I describe it for them one more time, I'll return and they'll say, "You know, we decided to try and make that very basic donut that everyone else has that you described for us.....and here it is!"
Here's a transcript of me beating a dead horse:
ME: Hi, I'd like an old-fashioned donut, please.
DUNKIN' DONUT Girl: You mean a plain donut?
ME: Well, a plain donut with a glaze on it.
DDG: You mean, a raised donut?
ME: No, not a squishy one, a cake donut with a glaze on it.
DDG: Like frosted?
ME: I guess, it's sort of frosted.
DDG: So that's one chocolate frosted donut.
ME: No, not chocolate. Just plain frosting.
DDG: You want a plain donut?
ME: No. I want a plain donut with frosting on it. Not chocolate.
DDG: We only have chocolate frosted.
ME: No you don't. That can't be true.
DDG: Yes, the only frosted donut we have is chocolate frosted.
ME: But you specialize in donuts. How can you have just one kind of frosting?
DDG: I don't know.
ME: Ok. I'll have a chocolate frosted donut, please. (sniff)
I guess I'll try again tomorrow.