09 September 2011
Goodbye Summer Vacation
Summer lasts a long time on the seacoast of New Hampshire, and I am in no way saying goodbye to summer. By September, the ocean has warmed up to chilly and the sun shines as if it doesn't know that school has started. So, for me, summer may have just begun.
There was a point during summer vacation where I settled for the half-assed parenting method of going about my normal business and just schlepping Liam with me to all of my appointments. Camp is over, friends are gone and Mama needs a bang trim so get in the car. I was fried from the futility of trying to make arrangements and tired of foregoing everything that was about me. It can get ugly, this business of putting yourself last on the list. And by ugly, I mean who replaced my smokin' hot wife with this sad sack with brown hair and a unibrow? And we all know that no one ever gets to the items at the bottom of the list; you just keep transferring them to next week's list. And the brow gets thicker everyday........
So I embrace electronic devices (fuck you, guilt!) and start reclaiming my piece of the pie. What child wouldn't be grateful for unlimited use of the ipod, ipad, iphone and nintendo DS? I was doing HIM a favor. He would thank me for this golden opportunity. And reward me with good behavior!
And he IS a trooper. He really is. He tags along and finds a place to sit and doesn't bug me and doesn't break anything the whole day.
But, at the end of the day, I hear this imaginary conversation in my head:
"Hey Liam. What did you do today?"
"Well, first I listened to inappropriate music by Ke$ha on my mom's ipod while she worked out with her personal trainer. Then she was really worn out and needed a pick-me-up so I played on my DS while she got a pedicure. And then she let me use her phone during her laser hair removal appointment."
"That sounds fun. What's 2 + 2?"
Who will be knocking on my door first? The Real Housewives of New Hampshire or COPS: Privileged Perps Unit?
So........now that school has begun, I can welcome summer. And maybe take care of this callous on my big toe. Without guilt. For real, no guilt. I mean it this time.