......finding a new home for lutefisk lovers.

(ok we don't love it. or even like it. but we're supposed to.)

19 June 2012

Goodbye New Hampshire

Today is loading and leaving day.   The whole thing goes so well, so smoothly, that as we drive away, I can’t help feeling like we forgot the dog.  

Just to be clear,  we don’t have a dog.   But, dammit, what did we forget?.    

There’s got to be something really obvious that’s sitting on the lawn right now as we drive away.   So I look in the backseat to make sure Liam is there.

If yesterday was my wedding, today feels like graduation day.   I watch everything I own drive away on a moving vehicle and, once it's gone, I am free to go.  I'm done.   I have worked hard and I have gone to class every day, even when the bullies got me down.   I studied and I did my homework and I made time for extracurricular activities like walking to the beach and visiting every lobster pound and tourist attraction within 100 miles.   And I tried to make friends.

In this moment, there is one distinct advantage to living among these people who don't easily open their doors and their hearts:    I can say goodbye to them so easily.  One neighbor drives by as we stand by our moving truck and she gives a limp wave.   She doesn't even bother to roll down the window.   A couple of other neighbors, though, do take the time to pull over momentarily;   and I revel in the fact that I can just smile and say goodbye and then we can part without having to grapple with the heavy burden of uncontrolled sobbing.   Whoa.......that’s a gift big enough to make me laugh out loud with joy after each parting.  Not because I’m happy to say goodbye but because I’m just so freakin’ relieved to not be strangled by grief.   So freakin' relieved!

When we finally get in the car and drive away, we are so happy that it's over and we made it.   We did it, seniors!  

............. but we are a little choked up.  
It's a relief.  
It's an accomplishment.
But it's still an ending. 

And Liam learns the definition of bittersweet when he swears he's happy but can't stop his chin from quivering while he sits in the backseat and watches the Atlantic Ocean speed by outside his window.

1 comment:

christy greco said...

Best of luck! So happy for you guys! Can't wait to keep reading about your continued journey...